Posts Tagged ‘humor’

HISTORY MONDAY: CHRISTMAS EVE

December 24, 2007

                     Santa Claus

Best HistorY: sepia Santa Claus

       Santa Claus–aka Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle or simply “Santa” –is a historical and legendary figure in folklore who in western culture is described as bringing gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.  

     Although–the legend may have its basis in hagiographical tales concerning the historical figure of Saint Nicholas — the  modern depiction of Santa Claus as a set jolly man (or elf) wearing a red coat and trousers with white cuffs and collar, and black leather  belt and boots became popular in the United States in the 19th century due to the significant influence of caricaturist and political cartoonist Thomas Nast (along with a Mr Clement Moore)….  This Thomas Nast “image” of Santa  has been maintained and reinforced through song, radio, television, and films.

      The American version of Santa lives in the far north–in the land of perpetual snow aka The North Pole…* 

Best Santa Track: Satellite on Santa

Our sources tell us that “Norad” in Colorado Springs will be “tracking Santa” again this year….(“A Dashing–and a Dotting–through the snow–GPS style !”)

  *source: Wikipedia

Best PC:

Sony Blu-ray DVD

Best Sony:

pictured above:  Renee Ashley Baker’s Sony Vaio Micro PC with XP Professional (also comes with Windows Vista).  This portable notebook comes with 1GB memory, 2 built-in webcams, and wireless WAN and Bluetooth. (I bought mine at the Sony Style Store in Washington DC).

Best Security Eye:

                                                  Cineflex Home Security Camera 

pictured above: Renee Ashley Baker’s Cineflex  Home Security Camera to keep an eye on the mansion….

Best Veggamatic  or… The Anti-Santa Drops In ?

The Tiger Team

pictured above: Best Tiger Team

                                     Hack, Slice and Dice aka “The Tiger Team”

                                                        A Review

                                                             by

                                               Renee Ashley Baker

 Don’t need a new veggamatic you say?  Well–you ain’t gettin one fellas.  Hack, Slice and Dice is yours on Christmas Day and you don’t want to turn it down….

      Synopsis:  They’re called “The Tiger Team” and their specialty is “breaking into places”–for pay–and with the full consent of the owner! (That’s right!)  The Tiger Team has broken into banks, international airports, Fortune 500 companies, and they always, always, get away–scott free–with “da loot”.  How do they do it?  Well–

Hack (the white pant slick as a cucumber computer hacker Chris) does the ‘physical assessment”.  Which–in laymen’s terms means — he “cases the joint” (and he does it in broad open day light!).

Slice (the McGyver like Luke) is the “wireman”–the electrician–and he attaches things like “wireless access points” to servers and attaches  mini-cameras (aka pin cameras) to alarm key pads (and he does it all under the nose of company employees!). 

Dice (He’s Ryan– the “plumber” on the team) he dices–er, I mean he picks–door locks, wall safes, windows, car doors.  If you name it — he can break into it!…. (The great Claude Rains himself  would be impressed with this  guy! )

 To believe them you’ve got to see them–in action.  In the first episode, to air Christmas night, The Tiger Team steal a million dollar “Lotus” out of an automobile show room. ( They leave a note attached to the car that’s hilarious!)….  I’ve been watching “Court TV” for years.  View: “The Tiger Team”, on Court TV, December 25, 2007.  Check your  local listings for time….

special thanks : www courttv.com

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Television Tuesday: Best TV Studio

December 19, 2007

                     The Tonight Show Johnny Carson

                                                                                                   Johnny Carson and Joan Rivers

                                         Don Rickles

                                                                   Johnny Carson portrait

Quote: “Good-bye Johnny Carson” — Renee Ashley Baker

(Read “Bill Katz Remembers The Tonight Show” on  Powerline Blog).

And….Best Catalog Gifts For Midwesterners :

Here’s Johnny!  (“The Johnny Carson Retrospective); Heirloom Jigsaw Puzzle (“The Reaches of New York City”–1313 pieces); Art to write with (The “Frank Lloyd Wright Fountainhead Pen”); Raiders of the Lost Ark (“The Indiana Jones Fedora”); Renee Ashley Baker’s Swedish Winter Clogs (The “Merrell Shearling Slide”); Wine Chiller (The “Wine Jacket”) Brain Bowl (“The Brain Fitness Program”). 

You can purchase the above items and more at Herringtoncatalog com…. 

MOVIE TUESDAY: BEST DOCUMENTARY/LAWSUIT

December 5, 2007

Michael Savage 1Michael Savage 2

                                “The Savage Nation”

                                              by

                               Renee Ashley Baker

“Adult language… Adult content… Psychological nudity….” (with heavy metal blaring between the lines)…. So begins — the intro to “The Savage Nation”….

      He has made every gay man angry, he absolutely “hates” Leslie Stahl, and– the presidential candidates (all of them) have refused to come on his show….

     Dr. Michael Savage is Jewish.  He is a fighter, a warrior,  he’s the original Captain Kirk of the Battleship Galactica.  But this time–he is–in his own words–in the fight of his career.  He is, this time,  in a “no-holds” barred brawl and only Kelly (at Fox News) and Drudge (of the Drudge Report) have come to his much needed aid.  The mainstream media  have forsaken him (he says) they have, (meanly) bowed out and are letting him fight this “battlestar battle-actica” alone….

   So,  what’s the malicious melee all about?   I’ll tell you–in one sentence (and in one breath).  So “here goes” —CAIR (Council on America-Islamic Relations) became pissed off at some of what they deemed to be “anti-Islamic comments” made by Michael which–according to Michael–were taken out of context (and taken without copyright permission as well)– which–resulted in CAIR organizing a sophisticated boycott that cost Michael some longtime sponsors which–in turn–lead Michael to file a  lawsuit to force CAIR, to not-so-politely — ” F off! “.

(Or–maybe “this” telling is easier)

          SCENE  — QUICK CUTS –A MONTAGE 

WE SEE a boxing gloved Michael Savage punching slabs of hanging meat.  Next,  he’s dancing, dancing, fancy footwork in laced up fighter footwear.  Next,  he’s running, running through the streets of New York (where he was born) as throngs of delightefully proud young (and old) run happily in behind him.  Lastly,  he stays–jumping, jumping, up and down in slow motion (his arms stretched up towards the skies) and  WE FREEZE THE FRAME.  THEN, SLOWLY WE DISSOLVE TO:  Madison Square Garden.  It is ringside.  The crowd is present, and the bright lights glare.  The bell has rung.  It is round one — and Savage,  as always, comes out swinging….

The End.  I mean–the beginning.  That is–I’ve said all that just to say this– “I may not agree with what you’re saying but I defend to the death your right to say it”….   

P.S.   Dr. Savage–If you’re reading this — link this blog to your website.  And oh,  say hello to Teddy for me…..      www.michaelsavage.com

        Boxing Gloves   

Also Visit: “About Renee Ashley Baker” at

https://reneeashleybaker.wordpress.com

(Note: You may “cut and paste” this “post” to your blogs if you wish).

Most Expensive Wedding: “TSK”

November 29, 2007

                                     TK wedding

Headline: “Lions For Weddings”

Dateline–Italy.  The “bride” wore white and underneath it all?  Three thousand dollars worth of “La Bra” lingerie.  The wedding took place at the fabulous and royal Odescalchi Castle (in Bracciano near Rome) which rents for a whopping $50,000 per week.  The ever necessary paparazzi were given prime wedding viewing spots (costing a cool $1500 per spot)….

               From this…. TK wedding

KH 

To this….

Quote: “Can somebody tell me what the hell he said?” — Renee Ashley Baker

Price:  $6 billion dollars (the total box office gross of Tom Cruise’s movies)