Posts Tagged ‘humor’

“LIVE! (In Progress)” by Renee Ashley Baker….BUY NOW! ON SELZ! CLICK BOOK COVER BELOW (ebook $4.99)

January 22, 2014

BUY MY BEAUTY BOOK ON SELZ !

(click on “book cover” below)

Renee Ashley Baker Live In Progress

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"LIVE! (In Progress) Easy Weight Loss Tips, Ageless Beauty Tips and (Ten Other Things That Somebody Needed To Say!) by Renee Ashley Baker


Renee Ashley Baker  Snapshot 5

The Beautiful Mrs. A

The Beautiful Mrs. A

The Elegant Looking Lady above is Renee Ashley Baker's "Mother" (Erma/Irmigard) and she is wearing an "expensive" silk blouse which she purchased at her favorite department store Stix Baer & Fuller (in St. Louis Missouri); Mummy is also wearing a real diamond pendant and real 24kt gold rings on her fingers......GOLD FINGER !

and....

Renee Ashley Baker is "looking for a MAN!"

DEBUTING SOON (FROM NYC) IS "THE RENEE ASHLEY BAKER DATING SHOW" (ON USTREAM.TV)

man woman kissing

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TO: SURI, LUCIA, SJP and Baby Blue Ivy “Happy Thanksgiving”… (plus NEW CHRISTMAS SONG from Renee Ashley Baker)

November 13, 2012

“Good-Bye To Mary Martin’s Son” from Renee Ashley Baker

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LISTEN To Renee’s New Christmas Song (Click On Diamond Microphone Below)

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“INFRARED” starring Renee Ashley Baker

(to view video click “Infrared” photo below)

(Now Scroll Down For “Killing Em With Laughter”…)

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REMEMBER THESE GEMS?

“GOLDWATER IS GOING TO KILL EVERYBODY” (1964)

“WILLIE HORTON KILLED SOMEBODY” (1988)

“ROMNEY KILLED MY WIFE” (2012)

“DON’T KILL NOBODY, JUST SLEEP WITH A GUY…” (2012)

AND….

Renee Ashey Baker’s 2012 Obama Campaign Ad Response ( Rebuttal ? )

To View New Video Click On Photo Of Renee Ashley Baker Below

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I’ll be moving on to Paris France to hopefully work for The Wertheimers and Erma French Perfume and Design…

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“TOMB OF THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER”

SCROLL DOWN FOR MY “VETERAN’S DAY 2012” POST….

Chanel The Deal? (plus FACEBOOK/big photo “In My Opinion” is now on + Hello France, Congrats To Ashley’s Hubby + Read My Poem and HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY)

May 19, 2012

ANNIE

THANDIE

ANNIE …..

I’ve proposed two “Big Screen” motion picture projects for black actresses….I hope someone will produce them….
Signed
Renee Ashley Baker
(P.S. I, Renee Ashley Baker, cannot work on either of them….I am on my way out of the country…..I want to see France….)

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“Sentry Chanel”
Although the woman in this picture is probably “looking out for a Man”….I’ve named this picture “Sentry Chanel” because it reminds me of the time when I was a little girl (ages 2 or 3 or so) when I would spend hours sitting at the window sill staring out the window. (I had on the window sill my set of plastic plates with the pink roses on them and the plastic Tea Pot to match).

“Royal Purple Chanel”

TERMS: I, Renee Ashley Baker, have “revised” the terms of the DEAL that I want with the owners of Chanel Corporation. I, Renee Ashley Baker, would like $9 million dollars a year–for 4 years–with a $2 million dollar signing bonus. MEANING–$32 million dollars for 70% ownership of “Erma French Perfume and Design” , “Ashley Lane Jewelers” and “Erma’s Beautiful Day Bed”….All three “Erma” companies will be headquartered in Paris France…. and….

NO TO DONALD TRUMP, NO TO ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER (I do not need either of them for anything) and NO to Janet Jackson and The Jacksons…(I will not be doing any television)….

p l u s

View My New “In My Opinion” (photo album) on MY FACEBOOK PAGE ….
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and….

Renee Ashley Baker will be MOVING TO PARIS FRANCE TO WORK FOR TIFFANY & CO, AND XM/SIRIUS AND CHANEL (AND I, RENEE ASHLEY BAKER, WILL WEAR MY $7,000 CHANEL SUITS TO WORK EVERYDAY)….

Hey–Execs at Big Photo, Would You Like To Sponsor Renee Ashley Baker in Southhampton?

Indy 500 2012 Winner Dario Franchitti

Ashley and Hubby Dario

The Beautiful Actress Ashley Judd

and….

Renee Ashley Baker Would Like To Start The LeMans Grand Prix in Monaco

p l u s

To View Poem About Renee Click On Pink Rose Poem Below….

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PLUS….

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY SJP….”
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Click On Renee Below To View Videos….

I, Renee Ashley Baker, am looking for that “Love Match” (in The Hamptons, in Paris France, in ….)

plus

SHOUT OUT TO X/M SIRIUS (For a radio show in Paris France) AND SHOUT OUT TO FORD MODELING (For Spokesmodel Jobs at AT&T, General Motors, Moet, Jimmy Choo ????? )

plus

“FUNK ME SNOOPY”….

(click on Snoopy to view video)

WHAT I PLAN: To go to The Hamptons (Southampton) for the summer, date some “Janis Spindel men”, go to Paris France and attend “cocktail parties and yacht parties” with some Rothschild family members, some Chandon family members….and LAUNCH my “perfume line” with the owners of CHANEL CORPORATION and design for LVMH, TIFFANY & CO and HERMES….
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plus

SPONSORS SPONSORS SPONSORS “HOW BOUT IT HAAGEN DAZ”

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SHOUT OUT TO “I DO STREAM”….
I, Renee Ashley Baker, Need a Sponsor For My Internet Broadcast. Time: This Summer. The planned Location? The Hamptons….
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CLICK ON VIDEO CAM BELOW TO VIEW “SNOOPY VICTORIA”:

TO VIEW NEW VIDEO VISIT TRIPOD: http://ReneeAshleyBaker.Tripod.com

Election Day Humor/History by Renee Ashley Baker

November 2, 2010

     

 

    “Don’t  call  me  Mam!”

 


and

 

“What?  Did somebody say WHORE ?”

 

 SO

 

“That’s right  bee–atch!”

 

 

 

 

 IT

 

 

“Say– Ladies, high heels are on sale down the street and did you know that RAPISTS are born that way?”

 

goes

 

 

 “Could  ALL of you please kiss lipstick on a  pig’s ____”

 

 

 

And  So It  Goes . . . .

 

   INSERT: “Chariots of Fire” music here

 

 

THE  BIG  LAUNCH ? 



 The Final Voyage

above, Astronaut Nicole (Nikki) Stott

 One of 7 crew members on board “Discovery” (the seventh being Robonaut 2 (R2) the first state-of-the-art human-like ANDROID.

above, Renee Ashley Baker’s  R2D2  (from Star Wars)

above, space shuttle “Discovery” being launched (photo by Tony Gray/NASA)

The  Fragrance  Voyage

Speak  Now. . . .

Country music star Taylor Swift will create her own line of perfume and fragrance products to launch in late 2011

 

 

 

 

 

above,  Chanel (Renee #9 by Chanel ?) 

 

Women–Do you want sculpture without Botox?

above, The Sculptured House (aka The Sleeper House)built on Genesee Mountain in 1963 by architect Charles Deaton.  

Listed by:   Kentwood Cherry Hills Real Estate  (Denver). 

Auction Date:  November  10, 2010 

Opening Bid:  $3 million dollars

 

 

 

 

Women–Do you  want romance ? 

Try Janis Spindel’s  Matchmaking Service….

 

and  on portraits. . . . 

 

above, “Portrait Of A Lady”   (painted in 1919) 

 George Romney (1734-1802) was an English painter renowned for his portraits of aristocratic women.  Do you know who painted “Portrait Of A Lady” ?

 

above, Rose Elizabeth Kennedy (b 1890) wife of Joseph P. Kennedy, Sr.  and mother of President John  F.  Kennedy

 

DO YOU KNOW WHERE THIS LOCATION IS ? 

 

 

 

 

 (Hint:  It’s Renee Ashley Baker’s New Home in France)

Answer:  the French Riviera

 

 

 

 

and. . . .

Final Quiz: 

Do you know who this  Woman  is ?

 

 

 

 

above,  Mozart’s sister  Nannerl

VIEW  VIDEO:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19ZQC5LIjiw

and

(HOW ABOUT   A  LINK ?)

LINK TO THIS POST (copy and paste):

https://reneeashleybaker.wordpress.com

 

History Monday: The Will Rogers Revue

March 31, 2008

                                         Will Rogers

                              Will Rogers (1879-1935)

Quote (On Wall Street):  “I’m more concerned about the return ‘of’ my money than the return ‘on’ my money” — Will Rogers

Quote (On Politics): “The more you read and observe about this politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.  The one that’s out always looks the best” — Will Rogers

The Will Rogers Follies “The Will Rogers Follies”

PREVIEW: “From One….To The Other?”

January 8, 2008

FROM THIS:

 TO  THIS:

“No, No, No, No, No To Hillary”….

(“Yes To Giuliani….Renee Ashley Baker’s candidate will ‘remain’ Rudy Giuliani….”) Rudy Giuliani 1

Still “NO” to Gail/Gale  (I will testify against Gail/Gale). Still “NO” to Madonna (Madonna is a Dog). Still “NO” to the Mexican extortionists/criminals.

FUTURE FRIDAY : New and “Extreme”

January 4, 2008

                                                                Mike Huckabee, Candidate

                                                                   New Winner

                                                              Mike Hucka-hoo? 

New Flavor:

                  Whitey’s Ice Cream Parlor

Did you know that Iowa has an ice cream parlor that attracts celebrities and “everyday Iowans” alike?   That’s right–Whitey’s Ice Cream  is located  in  Davenport Iowa and is “known”  for its innovative ice cream flavors…. 

 In fact,  back in July of 2007 Bill and Hillary Clinton stopped into Whitey’s and he had an ice cream cone while she had an ice cream drumstick.   However, history has it that Chester “Whitey” Lindgren  founded Whitey’s Ice Cream in 1933  (in Moline).   And, next summer Whitey’s  will celebrate it’s 75th anniversary.   And boy –Iowans can’t wait for Whitey’s  annual “create a flavor” contest in which the winner will win  a year’s supply of free ice cream! 

So–If you were going to name an ice cream flavor after any one of the candidates –what would it be?   I would name mine “Chocolate Verry Vary” …. for Hillary Clinton….

(Tee–hee–hee–I’m just kidding Mrs. “C”….)

         Chocolate Berry Ice Cream

                                                                                                                               Hillary Clinton 3                                Hillary Clinton 2

After ice cream                               Before that scoop

special thanks to: “Progoddess on Flickr” for the photo of the chocolate berry ice cream in a bowl.

EXTREME VIDEOS! (below):

New Flying Suit: “Wingsuit” 

New  Surfing: “Glacier Surfing Alaska” 

New Rolling: “New Zealing Zorbing” 

New Car: “Moller Sky Car” 

NEW GLAMOROUS WEDNESDAY: JANUARY 2nd

January 2, 2008

                  

             HAPPY BIRTHDAY RENEE ASHLEY BAKER!

plus… also   “NEW” :

 China: New Cover Girl

                            Li BingbingLi Bingbing in “The Forbidden Kingdom”

White:  Li Bingbing

Miss Li Bingbing is the gorgeous actress who plays the “White Haired Demoness” in “The Forbidden Kingdom” (which also stars Jet Li and Jackie Chan and is to be released in movie theatres in April 2008).   Miss Li is also January’s cover girl on Chinese Harper’s Bazaar….

 (“Yes, my country slow ones there “is” a Chinese Harper’s Bazaar”).

special thanks: Silent Monkeys (for the photo).

Australia: New Girl (liked) New Dress (not liked)

                                              Natalie Imbruglia from Australia

pictured above: Natalie Imbruglia, Australia’s up and coming singer/actress as she causes a “hateful stir” during the opening of the David Jones store in Sydney Australia on “Boxing Day”….  ( Note:  Stylefrizz called the dress a “Granny” dress but the dress is actually the “Fireball Tear Dress” by Alice McCall…So there!).

England: Newly Back

 Kate Winslet

She’s Back:  Kate Winslet 

 Kate “has” been out of the spotlight but are we glad she’s back…. (acting in movies that is).  Look  for Miss Winslet in  “Romances and Cigarettes”, “All The Kings Men” and “The Holiday”….

 Germany: New Ageless–The Super Beauties

                                         Countess Veruschka

pictured above: The Countess Vera von Lehndorff (aka Veruschka).

Claudia Schiffer

And…the beautiful Claudia Schiffer (who appeared on 500 magazine covers).

France: New Miss France

                                                                                                Miss France Valerie Beague

Because Miss France (Valerie Beague) did a racy photo shoot for Entrevue Magazine that included a shot of her in a Christ-like pose in a swimming pool, she is now banned from competing in Miss World and Miss Universe beauty pageants.  She will, however,  get to “keep her crown”….  P.S.  The “new” non-crucified Miss France “hails”  from the Polynesian Islands… ( Talk about crossed up! ).

England: New Hit Movie

Helen Mirren

 pictured above: Academy Award Winner, Helen Mirren

Helen Mirren is now starring in “National Treasure: Book Of Secrets” which in only two weeks of release, has already made $70 million dollars at the box office!…. (“You go Queen!”)

American Actress: New Birthday Girl   (December 3rd)

Daryl Hanna

Daryl Hannah red   

 “Happy Birthday, Daryl Hannah” from Renee Ashley Baker

 “Born In The U.S.A.” and that New-Old Money

                               Jessica Springsteen and Richard Feldman

pictured above: Winner Jessica Springsteen

Did you know that American canter Bruce Springsteen is being sued by an Olympic equestrian (Todd Minikust) for allegedly backing out of a contract to buy a $850,000 horse for his daughter Jessica?    It seems that Jessica is a budding young rider who participates in (and wins) riding competitions held in “The Hamptons” (see picture above).  Will an equine dispute resolution be forthcoming? ….(“Frankly Scarlett I don’t give a damn” …Whinny!)

History Christmas:Renee Ashley Baker’s Royals

December 30, 2007

  

Best Queen:

Queen of England 1Queen of England 3Queen of England 3                                                             

                     Queen of England 4

pictured above: The Queen

Hundreds of well-wishers braved the rain to see “The Queen”  ….

(The British royal family celebrated Christmas in Sandringham….).

         Queen of England on YouTube 

pictured above:  Best Royal  “You Tube”

Best in Romania:

 Bran Castle aka Dracula’s Castle

pictured above: “Dracula’s  Castle”

The Archduke Dominic Habsburg, a 69 year old New York architect,  has put his family’s castle (pictured above) up for sale at “only” $135 million dollars.  The Archduke (a member of Romania’s “former” Royal Family) commented to reporters that he would only sell the castle to a buyer who would treat the property and it’s history with appropriate respect.

(Renee’s aside: “News flash!  News flash!  your ArchDuke-ship, sir.   Ain’t nobody, nobody, gonna be ‘dissing’  Vlad — now are they? “….

And–the sign read:  CASTLE FOR SALE, CALL: TRANSYLVANIA 6-5000…) 

Best at Disney:

Sleeping Beauty’s Castle at Disneyland 

 pictured above: Sleeping Beauty’s Castle at Disneyland

Although–it was originally “Snow White’s Castle” when Disneyland opened in 1956….

(Note: Renee Ashley Baker is buying a $5.2 million dollar castle–er– home,  in Washington DC from Sotheby’s International.   Sotheby’s International Realty  is the realtor to the world’s “royal families”.   Again, thank you for the $73.5 mil Disney!…)

Best in Scandinavia:

           Julenisse Christmas Gnomes 

pictured above: Julenisse

The little Gnome who left Christmas presents under all the Christmas trees in Scandinavia… 

Best In Boston:  Opera Singer Cecilia Bartoli 

Best Handel:  Opera Singer Cecilia Bartoli

                              Cecilia Bartoli      Bartoli Cake  

 Diva Bartoli with “Bartoli Cake”….

FRIDAY: MORE OF “THE BEST”

December 28, 2007

Best Big Spender:

                             Rothschild Faberge Egg

pictured above: “Rothschild Faberge Egg”

Purchased by Who: Big Spender

Where:  Christie’s Auction House

Price Paid:  $18 million (American) dollars !

Best Bun In The Oven:

                                   Jennifer Anniston 1

pictured above: “Jen-Ja”

(It sounds Oriental-ish but it’s just my combination of the names Jennifer and Jason) .

Best Stamps:

Sinatra U.S. postage stamp

pictured above: “Sinatra”

Commemorative 41 cent U.S. Postage Stamp unveiled on December 12th and to be released next spring…

                                 Frank Sinatra stamp galleryU.S. postage stamp 1947

Best Mummy Dinosaur:

Dinosaur Hadrosaur “Dakota”

pictured above: Hadrosaur “Dakota”

Discovered in 1999 (in North Dakota) by the then 16 year old Tyler Lison.

Best Actor/Comedian:

Steve Martin

Congrats Steve on your Kennedy Center Honors (2007)….

Best Picture:

Gravatar Blog (Simon)

pictured above: “Simon”

Best Diva: “Renee”

Renee Fleming 1  Opera Diva Renee Fleming….

Best Classic Films: (as selected by the Library Of Congress)

                 Library of Congress           Wuthering Heights 2

Ten of the 25 “classics” selected are: “12 Angry Men”, “The Naked City”, “A Lonely Place”, “Oklahoma”, “The Strong Man”, “Bullitt”, “Dances With Wolves”, “Days Of  Heaven”, “The Women”, and  “Wuthering Heights” (1939)….Can you name the remaining 15?