(AN OPEN LETTER TO MADISON AVENUE)
Dear Ad Men:
The time has come for me to “disclose” that my “love affair” with Madison Avenue began at the tender age of two. For it was at that age (2) that I learned eagerly the “jingles” of my prodigious toddlerhood….
At two, I can vividly remember singing, “Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey graham crackers”. (It was taste NOT stardom that drove that nightly recitation).
Next—came “Muriel” and “awe” (awe of the feminine wilds I’d emulate during “dress up play” while wearing my mother’s red lipstick and black high heels).
Third– “See The USA In Your Chevrolet”. This–brought about my constantly begging my father–my daddy– (Mr. Ashley) to take me for a ride in his “big car”. (I loved that car and I was, alas, my daddy’s “princess”. Just the two of us–just me and my daddy– who–stood 6’2″, dressed like a banker–and who also, alas, drove a “Big Blue Buick” (not the Chevrolet the song “See The USA” sung about).
At age 4—I learned that “Q was for Queen and for Quasar”. (The Quasar whose colors would burst forth from the TV along with the ‘Quasar choir’s’ high notes).
At ages 8, 9, and 10 you could always find me USING Noxema face cream –for beautiful skin– and Prell –for beautiful hair. (Lovely, I thought, how that Prell pearl would fall slowly through that sea of green gel….Note: Only two years earlier I had lost the “Mikimoto Pearl Ring” that was a gift sent to me, from my brother, who was stationed in Japan.
By ages 11 and 12—I was “a blonde having more fun” (using “Breck” shampoo and wearing my “white go go boots” and my “Marilyn Monroe trademark beauty mark” that got me stares, which, only now bring to mind the words “Jail Bait”.
At age 13, food came into play –On TV): “Choosey mothers choose peanut butter” (peanut butter is ‘still’ my favorite after ‘grahams’ and “Lorna Doones”). I won’t forget “J-E-L-L-O” and “I can’t believe I at the whole thing” . And , I’ll always remember “The Fisherman” (the Gordon’s fisherman) who battled , at our house, with Van de Kemps….
Whew! That’s only a ‘few’ of my childhood memories…. Alas (I mean, hence) hundreds of companies and hundreds of advertisements have since passed. I am , of course, “still” wearing the lipstick and the high heels and–I’m still blonde (see “The Mermaid” photo). But—do I still “pay attention” to Madison Avenue? (I stared, in deep thought, at my RCA 32″ color tv).
“I’m a PC and I’m 4 years old” said the adorable Asian doll who had just sent (with one click) a digital photo to her parents cell….
“Yes! Yes!” (I shouted) Dolly Madison Avenue still belongs to Renee Ashley!
P.S. I will be contacting Madison Avenue Advertising Agencies. I need 100 advertisers/sponsors (to list and link) at $200 per month per advertiser. NO “catering companies” — however–I will run ads for my favorites —such as “Albertson’s” (Supermarkets) and American conservatives like Mark Levin (a former U.S. Attorney and acerbic radio host pictured in the photo below)….Liberals are welcome but I’m critically hard on you guys….
WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR PRODUCT TO BE “PRODUCT OF THE DAY”?…..RUN AN AD ….FOR HER AND FOR HIM….
BEAUTIFUL PINK TECH-NAL
VIVIENNE TAM’S PINK DESIGNER MINI COMPUTER
(RENEE ASHLEY BAKER HAS A VIVIENNE TAM MINI COMPUTER. HOW BOUT AN AD VIV?)
BEAUTIFUL PINK TECH NAIL
french manicure with pink hologram
(Renee Ashley Baker’s french manicured acrylics done by the RITZ NAIL SALON in Boston….)
MANLY SLEEK BOAT
ALLOY’S “THE AD LIB” MEGA YACHT (100-140 ft)
(HOW ABOUT AN AD BOAT MANUFACTURERS?)
MANLY SLEEK BODY
NORDIC TRACK TREADMILL 3000
(HOW ABOUT AN AD GYM EQUIPMENT MAKERS?)
CAN YOU NAME THE MOVIE THE SCENE BELOW IS FROM?
Photo Above: “HIS BY RENEE ASHLEY BAKER” ( TAKEN BY RENEE ASHLEY BAKER WITH A MOTOROLA CAMERA PHONE).
DEAR DOCUMENTARY FILMMAKERS:
I HAVE DISCOVERED THE “DOCUMENTARY CHANNEL” AND I LOVE IT! IF — YOU ARE A PRODUCER AND YOU HAVE PRODUCED A DOCUMENTARY THAT WILL BE PLAYING ON THE DOCUMENTARY CHANEL (OR YOUR FILM IS CURRENTLY OR SOON TO BE IN MOVIE THEATRES) I WILL PROMOTE YOUR DOCUMENTARY FILM FOR YOU ON THIS BLOG FOR $500 PER MONTH. ….ALL OTHER ADVERTISERS READ ON…
DO–YOU HAVE A PRODUCT OR SERVICE YOU’D LIKE TO PROMOTE?….
1. I AM NOW SEEKING ADVERTISORS (“SPONSORS”)FOR THIS BLOG.
2. BLOG DEMOGRAPHICS:
a. Celebrities and Millionaires
b. Men and Women earning $150,000-$250,000 a year
c. Men and Women earning $50,000-$75,000 a year
d. Readers/Web Surfers/Web Shoppers who enjoy EXCEPTIONAL PEOPLE, LUXURY GOODS, AND FINE MEALS.
3. BLOG CATEGORIES:
a. Shop Online: (Fine Jewelry, Designer Clothing, Art Galleries, Luxury Real Estate)
b. Walk Right In: (Fine Furniture Stores, Electronics Stores, Computer Stores, Home Security Stores)
c: Parties and Proms: ( Limousines, Beauty Salons and Spas, Weddings)
d. Restaurants: (Fine Dining)
4. BLOG SPECIFICS:
a. Blog will post 3-5 days per week beginning June 1, 2009.
b. Ad must be placed by June 15, 2009.
5. BLOG GUIDELINES:
a. No Nudity
b. No Pornography
c. No Personals/No Classifieds (I “hate” Craigslist)
7. BLOG RATES
a. Cost: $200 (For a “LISTING” and a “LINK”)
b. Run: 30 Days
c: Place: Contact Renee Ashley at: email@example.com
P.S. To My Readers: I have removed all comments that are “too negative” and…. I have removed all comments that were in “bad humor” (such as the comment: “Robert Kennedy fought Italians –the ‘SOPRANOS’….”. I should have explained that it’s a Federal “inside joke”….Ha, Ha….
As you all know—I am a “fan” of both DaVinci and Michaelangelo….)
P.S.P.S. I’ll give a “free listing” to Jonathan Nicholas.com (for Madison Avenue photo) and to BR3ITN3R on Flickr and to reihime’s on Flickr (if they wants it)….Do email me you three and let me know!